Mike:

I'll definitely be at the party, with bells on! I don't even mean "with bells on" in the figurative sense - bells are literally part of my proposed costume. Now I just need to get the much-needed costume supplies, which include a Bedazzler and copious amounts of fake blood.

Open letter to the Western Ave. Squeegee Guy:
Hey Squeegee Guy -
When I said "please don't clean my windows" followed by the statement "I have absolutely no change in my car," I really meant it. I didn't want you to climb on the hood of my car and practically break my windshield wipers while attempting to "clean" my windows. I also didn't like it when you threw the 18 cents I gave you (discovered in the crack between the seats after much searching) back in my car because it simply wasn't "enough." There's a special place in hell for you, where they only serve airline seafood and Kevin Costner's "The Postman" plays 24 hours a day.