Jen

For the past three days, I have been working with kids. Little kids. From ages 1-5. I think I learned more about kids over these past three days then I have throughout my life. Back in Jr. High/ High School, I never babysat. I knew plenty of other people who made extra cash watching kids in their spare time, but I never got into it. I didn't really know how to relate to or take care of kids, and to tell you the truth, I'm weak. When any little kid shows me puppy dog eyes or cries, I just give in. To quote The Simpsons, "I fold faster than Superman on laundry day."

As I grow older, I realize that at some point in the future, I might want to have some offspring of my own. It's about time to figure out what makes these little things tick and what makes parents so retarded for their children.

So, here are some things I learned:

1) When parents are around, kids cry more. David - the portrait photographer I have been working with - is an ace with little kids. He can make the crabbiest kid happy in minutes. It's actually amazing. So, here we have a group of one year olds that come in, sans parents, and they sit down and get their picture taken. It's actually fun for them. A few are a little scared, but basically, it's a good time. The next class, same age, comes in with moms attached, and not a single child will sit down in front of the camera. Some are sniffling, others are flat out wailing. It's a nightmare. The few we get to sit David somehow works a smile out of them, but most are just too terrified.

2) Children are amazingly resilient. One little boy, while standing with his classmates, puked, somehow missing getting vomit on himself and others. The kids around him said "Noah puked!" and most of the little girls ran away. Noah looked pretty upset for a minute, and then when the teacher asked if wanted to go to the nurse, he just shook it off and went back to playing with his friends. Is this kid a cat or something? A cat can vomit and then minutes later it's bouncing off the walls. Little Noah was running around the gym like a mad man five minutes later. Another little girl, so excited to get her picture taken, peed in her pants. None of her friends minded and they even had a spare set of pants for her (um, must be a regular problem.) She changed and she was back in the game. Can you imagine peeing in your pants in front of friends and then just changing your clothes and going back to normal activities?

3)As soon as you say "present," everyone is instantly excited. David says he is going to give each child a present for getting its picture taken. All children squeal with delight. It's a comb. A stinkin' comb. And yet when they get the comb, it's like the best thing in the world. They compare colors, play games, even chew on them. No one seems disappointed in getting an everyday, boring item. Of course, if one loses their "present," it's like the whole world has been turned upside down. Thank god we have extras.

And a little something else I learned:

4) Moms are a pain in the ass. Anytime a mom was around, it would take twice as long to take a picture. "Let's fix Sammy's hair first. Wait, Sammy is drooling!!! Stop! Sammy has food on his shirt!!! The world is going to end!" Then they want to see the picture directly after it's been taken and then pick the best one (we shoot digital). David always gets a smile, and he cleans noses and fixes hair. Listen moms: For christs sake, we don't want the kid to look like a d-bag or we have to come back and do retakes. Plus we have to listen to your bitching. Calm yourself down.