Wednesday, February 25, 2004


We're whippin' piccadilly tonight.

Actually, I'll be whippin' piccadilly tomorrow at 11:30 am when I arrive in London! Yeehaw!

Then I'm off to Newcastle to see some friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Should be good times all in all.

So, If I get computer access, you will see an England blog. If not, see ya sometime after March 4th!

ps. god is my favorite writer.


Oh God you devil!

It's awesome how God is listed in the internet movie database as a writer for The Passion of the Christ. Didn't he work as a gaffer during the filming of Good Burger, too?

Hey, my friend Samir is on there too.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004


It comes in waves

The following conversation happened at approximately 9:15 this morning:
Me: (after knocking on door of boss): "I don't feel that this job is right for me, so I quit."

Boss: (with puzzled look): "OK...but we need something in writing." (boss hands me piece of paper)

Me: *I scribble "I quit, effective now" followed by my signature and hand it back*

Boss: "OK, now I just need to escort you out of the building!"

Accepting this new job was one of the worst choices I've ever made. I didn't feel confident about the position when I accepted it, so I should have just stayed put until something better came along. I can probably go back to my previous job, but that would just be too weird. All I ask for in life is a position in Chicago that doesn't involve me getting yelled at by random people over the phone.

Moral of the story: SEND GREG AND I MONEY.

Friday, February 20, 2004


The academy award for ridiculous melodrama goes to you so get on up there and give us a speech.
-The Dismemberment Plan

Yesterday, I was serving wine at this lecture that we had here at work and I was asked this question by a woman who went into the lecture for about 30 seconds:

Crazy lady: I wasn't in the lecture long, but I was wondering how you think he is running the lecture.
Me: Well, I'm guessing that he is showing slides of his work and then explaining the concepts behind the image and maybe technical aspects as well.
Crazy Lady: Hmm, well I was thinking that he was probably showing slides of his work and then explaining them.
Me: (thinking "Hello? Didn't I just say that? Should I tell her she's a moron?") saying: You know what, you're absolutely right. (laying on sarcasm with trowel.)
Crazy Lady: Do you think that most lectures are like this?
Me: (Thinking " Are you serious?") Yes, I do.

Another person last night entered the museum, walked around for awhile, sat in front of a photograph and THEN came up to me and asked:

Guy: Is this the museum with sculpture?
Me: No, this is the Museum of Contemporary Photography.
Guy: Oh, cool.

Fun at work.

So my auction closed last night on ebay and now I am $62.99 richer -minus $10.00 for shipping and the $2. for posting my item- ok, so maybe $50.99 richer. I've never actually mentioned what it was, so I will now - it's an extrenal zip drive. Anyway, while on ebay yestederday, a friend told me that you can actually buy used socks. I kid you not, you can. I don't get it at all. I know people have foot fetishes, but dirty socks? please.

Have a nice weekend!

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Jen - I really wasn't talking about your posts at all, honest! I didn't even take them into consideration, because I usually recognize them (not because you're too obvious, but because I'm a huge dork who listens to too much music). It's just that I can rarely recall lyrics that go with certain moods I'm having, so I just pull lyrics out of my ass. The internet sucks sometimes because you can write the most purposely inoffensive thing, but other people will interpret it in ways you never even considered.


Ping pong Wednesday, needlework on Thursday, dancing on a Friday night.
-The Darkness

1 day and some odd hours and counting, I will have sold my first item on ebay. So exciting.

We started taking down the show here at work and it's given me little time to check the blog or write. I had a nice weekend, and wanted to comment on the fact that I saw Duvall at the (lick my) Bottom Lounge on Saturday and got a chance to speak to Josh Caterer even if it was very brief. I felt like a huge stalker when I commented that I couldn't imagine parts of my life without Smoking Popes songs in them (ahem, the song lyrics from my last blog are from the song "Before I'm Gone" by the popes, if you are that curious*) and all he really said was "Cool." Either way, it was a nice night.

It looks like a whole bunch of us are trying to go to Hogs'n Honeys tonight because my friend Byron, is going to ride the mechanical bull and the are $1 you-call-its all night. You just have to request nice liquor or you end up with the stuff out of the plastic bottle.

Ah, yes. I just bought tickets to see this band because they are hilarious. If you are interested, apparently the folks in Milwaukee are not as interested in seeing this band as in Chicago, and you can still get tickets for the show at The Rave. I can't explain why I like them except that I think that their live show is going to be hilarious. Seriously - the lead singer likes to wear tight jumpsuits. And look at the lyrics above! What's not great about a band that mentions needlework in a song?

*Mike, if you are talking about how I always quote songs but rarely give the artist, I apologize. I never say who writes the songs lyrics because it's more about the song lines and how I am feeling at the moment then the artist who wrote them. I can change my ways if you are curious who I am thinking about at the moment. : (

Tuesday, February 17, 2004


Thank you Mr. Bingo! Thank you very much!

I think my new blogging trend will be to post lyrics to songs that almost no one will know. Then I'll follow that up by never identifying the group or song name. Let the fun begin NOW!

Gather 'round, it's Uncle Mike's story time!
I was chatting/flirting with a cute friend of my friend Carrie a few weekends back at Crapple, and everyone was getting good and drunk. As the night progressed, I felt like I had seen this girl somewhere before. She said that she just recently moved to the area from Texas, but I still felt like maybe we had talked before or I had noticed her at another bar in the area. I didn't bust out the ultra cheesy "Do you come here often?" or any similar lines to find out if my feelings were valid, so I just decided to forget about it and instead watch Matt win a giant inflatable caterpillar. When I got home, I Googled cute girl's name.

This is what I found.

She was in a freakin' Apple commercial, and I remember developing a brief pseudo-celebrity crush on her when the commercial aired. She never returned my calls last week, but at least I'll always have the memories of nearly dating someone who was only a few steps away from achieving the sort of success that "the Dell guy" or "the Encyclopedia Britannica kid" had. Me dating a celebrity of any kind would have created a rip in the fabric of time, anyway.

Friday, February 13, 2004

G.W. R@#$^*

I think I'm going to start going by that. It makes me sound more dignified. Or perhaps I'll try G. Walter R@$^WS. Makes me sound academic doesn't it?

I've been doing fine. Working three different types of jobs, sleeping, and eating. Quite the life I lead, eh?

I'm organizing a poker game tonight, but poker hasn't held much luck for me lately. Hopefully I don't get my clock cleaned.

Thursday, February 12, 2004


Pictures of you
Speed up every heartbeat
Speed up my life

I'm trying, for the first time, to sell an item of mine on ebay. I didn't realize all the stuff they need just to set up an account. They need a credit card number, your checking account and bank routing number and your first born. All I want to do is sell this zip drive!!

I'm not a big believer in Valentine's Day - actually I think it's a whole load of b.s. - but we have decided to do a valentine exchange here at work. Just like in grade school, we all designed little mailboxes so that we can receive valentines. I've taken a little peak into my mailbox, and thus far I have: a piece of candy, a poem of sorts, a polaroid picture of someones pants around their ankles, a pack of New Kids on the Block cards and a condom!

It's been kind of a dry week here at the blog - what has everyone been up to?

Monday, February 09, 2004


I'm printing some photos for my mom in the digital lab and looking on ebay for a link cable for my GameBoy Advance (yes, I like my gameboy. I'm addicted to tetris!) When a tour of potential students walked by me at my computer, I heard a guy say, " oh, Gameboy." like I was looking up to buy a my little pony playset. I then asked "what is wrong with a Gameboy?" but the little shit didn't respond back. If only my back wasn't turned and I saw a glimpse of his face. . . .


So true funny how it seems
always in time, but never in line for dreams.
Head over heels when toe to toe.
This is the sound of my soul,
this is the sound

At Crapple on Friday, someone actually asked me to bitch slap them and so I did. It's hard to believe, but this is the second time that someone has asked me to do this. Anyway, I'm a pro at the bitch slap, so if you want it, be prepared to have your ears ring.

Also at crapple, I won my first bit o'crap which is this game called Nu Jam Guitar. It's a phallic-looking guitar dealie that you have to repeat what the NuJam plays. It gets boring in about 5 minutes, but boy, I will tell you it was damn exciting to win! And it's also very exciting to write NuJam!

Mike - you won the special prize, didn't you? Does it rock? or rule?

I got this 3 song EP from Duvall with the song Racine on it, and also a cover of the song True - first done by Spandau Ballet. (Please go to this website - it's playing the song!) Anyway, it's awesome. I think Josh sings it better.

Time to go play with my NuJam.

Saturday, February 07, 2004


Worst way to ask for someone's phone number that somehow actually worked for me:
"So, can I get some phone number action?"

Phone number action? Who am I, and what was I thinking?

Friday, February 06, 2004

three in a day!

2 things for Mike:

Answer of the day: A great thrift store to visit is Village Thrift on Damen and Roscoe. Lotsa cool stuff at great prices. If you want to sell out a little bit but not have to search as much, I suggest the Hollywood Mirror on Belmont and Halsted. Someone has already picked through the shirts for you so it means a better selection.

You have been graced with administrative powers. Use it wisely.


Maury, that is not my baby!

I don't know if I can really do a better job of explaining it, but Crapple is the greatest event to ever grace the NW corner of Wellington and Lakewood. The crowd size at this bar (J & R Tap) literally increases by about 4000% on Crapple nights. Come and celebrate my new job with me, and get there early if you want a table.

Question of the Day:
What's a good place for a skinny dude like me to pick up some cool t-shirts? I used to do most of my shopping at Oak Brook mall during my lunch hours, but my new job isn't close to any decent stores. Sadly, I don't know of any Chicago t-shirt hotspots, even though I've lived here for quite some time now. Help a brotha out.

Question of the Day Part Deux:
Hey Jen, did you ever consider adding a comments feature to our little blog here? I could do it if you give me administrative powers. The public wants their opinions concerning Nicholas Cage, 4700 lb. Gregs, and Crapple to be heard!

. . . me again.

Beck! How exciting to see your post! I just thought of something and wanted to share. You know that lovely pin that you have on the lapel of your coat? Well, I know that you were curious about the artist who drew it, and I was curious about the whole process. So if you check out Busy Beaver, you can find out more about artist buttons and where to find them.



Wow, its been along time for me and I am finally getting caught back up!

Mike - I just watched the movie - fantastic work. I'm singing the theme song to Perfect Strangers in my head right now..... (standing tall - on the wings of my dreams!!)

I also have a comment about Cameron McGill and the fact that my sister used to have class with him and the hots for him and he played a couple of shows at "the white house" where my sister lived 97-98 in Champaign (4th and Chalmers I think - right around the corner from the Illini Inn/Bonnie Jeans). Ahh Bonnie Jeans, I am reminded of one of the first nights greg and I hung out and I bought him a piece of pizza which he promtly dropped on the ground before taking even 1 bite... but I digress.

work is work is work, but its not nearly as bad as it was last year so I can't complain too much. i got my premiere status on united again and have been in california during some of the coldest weather this winter.

Crapple is on for tonight as long as I don't wuss out like I did last night....


"Do you want to be in a Nicholas Cage movie?"

That is what I was asked by a woman this morning at the brown line Paulina stop waiting for the train. I replied "Nope." as I put my headphones in. I'm not sure if it was legit or not because she didn't approach me in a way that made me think she was professional. If you are looking for extras, wouldn't you ask - "Hi, I'm looking for extras for a new Nicholas Cage movie that is coming out, are you interested?" Instead, she asked me that question and then left the platform. For all I know, she was taking a tally in her head of all the people who would be interested in being in a movie with Nicholas Cage.

Yesterday, Greg mentioned that our call and response on this blog was majorly lacking, so I will try to improve on that in the future. So, CRAPPLE is a wonderful raffle like game that happens the first friday of every month at this bar on Lincoln and Wellington. Mike can probably explain it better because he's been going longer than I. I will say that you either get the crap under the bar or cool prizes above the bar depending on what you pull from the pitcher if your raffle ticket gets called. Mike, I think we may have a full house tonight! I think that I'll probably be showing up around tenish or so.

I will now rock the "post and publish" button.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004


Bon Bons all the way. That's why I currently weigh 4700 lbs. When I sit around the house, I sit around the house.


On the subject of rock, many years ago I somehow came up with the idea that the phrase 'rock and roll' is a proper response to any kind of statement. I use it occasionally at my job as the Sylvan Advantage. Example:

Me-Can you get me some sharpened pencils?
Lady that I asked-Sure.
Me-Rock and Roll!
L.T.I.A-Did you just say rock and roll?
Me (sheepishly)-Yes, sorry.

Apparently my social norms aren't quite the same as everyone else's at my place of bidness.


My boy Edwards did okay yesterday. One win, and half a win. Not too bad. If he can keep it up, he just might have a shot. My only dream is that maybe, somehow, in some strange world the Illinois Primary on March 16 will mean something. CNN doesn't even list it on their primary page. I guess CNN doesn't think we count.


What the hell is Crapple(TM)? I've heard speak of it, but my minature mind is having trouble figuring it out. As long as we're speaking of this weekend, Saturday is the Auf Wiedersehn party for the blogger who blogs even less than me, Brian. He'll be wending his way off to Yemen by way of Frankfort, so make sure you come and ask him all kinds of annoying questions.


That's enough from me. Rock and Roll.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004


I want to rock with you

Last night, I went to Whole Foods to buy a couple simple items on my way home from work. As usual, I had a very nice cashier. However, if you are not familiar with how things work at Whole Foods, such as the fact that all the cashiers talk to their customers, to each other and well, just spend a whole lot of time conversing, then you could get a little annoyed with the way things work there. Anyway, I after a nice little chat with my cashier – I had about 5 items and we talked about the weather and how I recycle the brown paper bags, etc. – I told him I was going to use my debit card and he told me to “Rock it.” No one was with me to confirm the fact that I was told to “rock” my debit card, but all suspicions were confirmed that he did in fact say “rock it” when I was then asked to “rock the green button.” That’s a whole lot of rocking for paying with my debit card!

I’m pissed at myself for forgetting to pay a bill on time. I hate late fees. I’m usually so good at remembering that kind of stuff. Where the hell is my mind?

Greg, I am more than happy to welcome you back to the blogging world. I have a question for you. Now that you are home in the afternoons, do you watch Days of our Lives and eat Bon Bons?

Mike, I think I am bringing some peeps to Crapple this Friday. You have peaked my curiosity with this prize. How did you get such info from the bartender? Is it the same one that shouts “PAY ATTENTION!!!” who told you? Last time I had my eye set on this blow up snake/floatation device thing (fine, so I really had no clue what it was. I just wanted to win it!) and I walked away empty handed. I’m hoping to cash in this time.

I have “Baby be Mine” by Michael Jackson (off Thriller) in my head. What a good album. Speaking of the Jackson’s – why do they have to molest little children and show boobs to get people to buy their albums? I think it’s time to think of a better way to sell music.