rock

if anyone who reads this here thing is in chicago and has nothing to do saturday, my band is playing with Local H, Saraphine and Convoy at Hard Day at the Beach in Downer's Grove. Doors open at 3, we play at 4 and they serve beer. what more could you want?

i'm ridiculously tired and i just spent the last two hours putting labels on envelopes. let me tell you, that sucked.

Jen

"That was from the other drunk guy sitting in this chair."

That's what Nate said as he accidentally poured beer on my floor and wouldn't admit that he did it even though I saw him do it.

The fiesta at my house turned out to include mass amounts of drunken-ness and happy faces all around. Thanks to everyone who showed up, brought food and helped us empty the keg.

I also got to see Becky this weekend, which is always a good thing. I was pretty out of it on Saturday night when all of OK attended another party. I felt bad about being such a sleepy mess, especially because I got to see some people that I haven't seen in awhile besides Beck.

Part of that is due to the fact that I spent much of Saturday scrubbing the "party film" off of my kitchen floor, counters, tables and what else alcohol could be spilled on. Now my house smells normal again, just in time for my new roommate to move in. Gant is sticking around for another year of living with me (how he does it, I'm just not sure.) Nathan, a friend of mine that just moved back from LA, will be taking over the third bedroom. I'll be living with two guys, which kind of frightens me. I'm a bit of a neat freak, and although I never expect anyone to live up to my expectations of order and neatness, I really hope he can help me keep the place clean. That and keep his shoes in his room or out by the front door. That's not too much to ask, right?

Finally, we have a new look! Thanks, Greg, for putting up the new design!

I'm working on the mailing list today, so you can probably guess how exciting my day has been. I hate Excel. Hate it.

Becky

Alright Chicago here I come!

Saw the rock and roll show last night. Not until after a trip to the Northface outlet in Berkeley and dinner across the street from a famous punk club on Gilman street. I totally cleaned up at the outlet sale. This winter I will look like a northface advertisement, but I got prices so low, I'm not finding cheaper stuff anywhere.

Anyways, it was good to hear some familiar music in this strange land. The Great American Music Hall is a really cool place. we missed the first 2 bands, but made it for Piebald. After one song this guy in the audience yelled out that they sounded like Journey, but what's wrong with a good power ballad every once in a while. Even Bob Nanna admitted that he couldn't belt out the tunes like Steve from Journey.

see ya'll tonite!

Jen

I am the warrior!

This stupid Pat Benetar song has been in my mind since last Saturday's party. Yeah, we actually heard this song there. Anyway, everytime I condition prints, it's in my head. I was humming it the other day, and Peter (who works with me) recognized it from the humming. It's crazy that he got it!! So ridiculous even. Kind of like the lyrics. Like this. "shooting at the walls of heartache, bang, bang!"

It hopefully won't be in my head tomorrow. Woo hoo!!! I have a day off!!!!!

I have a lot of shit I'd like to get done; like finish painting my porch, get some food and a keg for yes, a party at my house. It's kind of a celebration that for one whole weekend, we won't have any assinine neighbors. They are moving out! I also don't have to worry about their flesh eating dogs either. Did I mention that I still have a scar on my leg when one of their dogs bit me last october? Bastards. Anyway, no more of that. It's a fiesta! And I'm very excited to see everyone there.

It's officially 10 after five. I'm off work!

buy them, trade them, hide them in a drawer, it's the all new scientist trading cards!

work is such a bore. i failed in the AC installation last night, due to the fact i was incredibly tired. tonight the project goes down without a hitch. i can feel it.

Jen

I know this much is true

It's always been my wish to install an air conditioner. You never know when you might need that skill later in life.

I also promised Nate that I would take him to Ikea to get new stuff for his apartment. One of his roomates is moving out and taking some furniture with him. Besides, although Ikea freaks me out, I still really love it.

Instead of yoga, I saw Dr.Strangelove at Grant Park. It was realy pretty great to have the beautiful Chicago skyline behind you as you watch a movie. The only thing that sucked were these two assholes that decided to bring, what we called by the end of the night, "skyscraper chairs" because they blocked the view of everyone behind them. I managed to sit in some funny positions to see the screen; I may have even practiced yoga.

I don't have enough time to write a lot, so here is a forward that was sent to me:

Things we have learned from the movies

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the
price range of most people whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut.
You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked
out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world
expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down
three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems,
deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their
captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of Frenchbread.
13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in
the control tower to talk you down.
14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
16. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it
will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent
will do. (It used to be an English accent for the German.)
17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18.A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through
it before long.
20. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
say: Enter Password Now.
22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
moments. Tires will squeal on any surface, at any speed.
23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended fromduty.
25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will
know all the steps.
26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make
sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their totalopposite.
27. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak
to each other in English.

does anyone know the history of cellular one? they're driving me crazy! as a result, i hereby declare all cellular devices illegal.

so much trouble.

me and jenn are going to help each other with our respective projects tonight. she's gonna help me put in my air conditioner and i'm gonna help her hang her lamp. ahhh, work. is there anything more fun?

Becky

Okay, so it has come to my attention that I am the only one out here that uses the word "Expressway." Does anyone else use this word? Is this even a valid word.

Everything out here is a Freeway. I have been told numerous times that people have never even heard the word "Expressway" and didn't really know what it meant. Can anyone shed some light on this topic?

Its also funny because people from Southern California refer to roads as "the 580" or "the 24" rather than just "580" or "24." It sounds cute, but what is grammatically correct?

And one last topic to round out this subject. Why are the roads so bad in California? In Illinois we have winter which means there is lots of snow and ice to ruin the roads. They have no excuse out here. fix the damn roads!!

Thank you and goodnight.

yuck

Greg left at 4:30. that's too late. and then i stayed up talking to Beck until 6. yuck. i slept until 3 on Sunday, and i still didn't want to get up. the party was a good time though. on the way home Brian asked a jogger if he was a late night jogger or an early morning jogger, it was the later.

tonight is a little cleaning and hopefully some hanging out with gant, cause i messed that up last night.

Jen

It's all beginning. Feels like it's ending.

Monday yet again.

This weekend was really pretty good EXCEPT for that stupid gallery that I hung my work in. Here is the story.

It was a hot and humid Saturday evening . . . I should probably give a slight bit of background.

Last Saturday, during a very weak moment, I was approached by Chris to hang up some work while he would be spinning at this café. I usually don’t like putting up work in cafes, only because I can’t keep my eye on it. Someone could take it, spill something on it, whateves. But because I had a stomach ache and I really wanted to be left alone for a couple of minutes, I agreed to it. He said there would be room for 10 pieces.

On Friday at work, I mat 8 pieces that are in the series (so far) about gentrification of the projects near UIC. Not exactly 10 pieces, but I wanted whatever I hung up to be a body of work, not just random images. Anyway, matting in not a very quick process. It took a couple of hours to get it done.

Back to the hot and humid Saturday night. Not getting into the fact that I was slightly annoyed that I had to help Chris pack and unload all his DJ gear, I had to sit in the shittiest North Avenue traffic ever. By time I bring my work inside, I’m slight angered. Ok, extremely annoyed and slightly pissed off.

I meet David, who asks me to look at my work while he’s eating. This bothers me for the same reasons I mentioned above. No food around the work, plain and simple. I say this, and he looks annoyed, so I pull out a couple pieces for him to look at. Then he tells me that because I don’t have frames he can’t show them, unless I can get frames in an hour. Really, at that point, I should have just packed up my shit, but instead, I actually go and look for frames and buy 6.

I get back to the café and I ask David how many I can hang up. He says I should frame them and we’ll ty to see how many can fit. I go to frame them and the mat is too thick. So, I have to cut off the back of the mat and tape the photos to the back of the front side of the frame. So, so shitty. I call in Nate for help, and I can tell he’s already annoyed with the situation.

Everything is framed and guess how many of my pieces are hung. 4. 4 fucking prints. Not only that, but they are between two shelves selling cell phones. Absolutely fantastic.

Yeah, I wasn’t too happy about it, but a bunch of people from work showed up, so they made it better.

AND Thank god that the party I went to Saturday night was great, because I needed to get out of that shitty mood.

Becks weekend sounded nice. I saw Greg at the party on Saturday. And woke him up on Sunday for brunch. He didn’t seem too pleased about that. We left the party at 3:30. I can only image how late Greg stayed. . .

Becky

I'm coming home Friday!! I'm coming home Friday!! Can't wait to see everyone!

I went to Berkeley this weekend-it was awesome. I have a new found enjoyment for California.

Anyways, Jen, how did the internet cafe thing go? anything exciting happen this weekend?

Jen

It's all beginning.

. . . to feel close to normal again. Brian is back home and my friend Nathan (who moved to Cali and just recently moved back home) is back and will be my new roommate (along with Gant). So all we need is Beck to move back and everything will be better again. I guess I noticed this at wings last night. It was strange to just look around at all ths familiar faces and feel extremely content inside. Or it could have been the beer and wings. I'm just speculating.

Although I'm not big into putting my stuff up in cafes. . . As a favor to my friend, Chris, my work will be up at this little internet cafe as of Saturday. I think the address is 1904 W. North Avenue. So, on Saturday nght, if you are looking for free food, some cool pics of the Robert Taylor Homes (by me!) and Chris's spinning techniques, please stop on by. Or you can e-mail me for more info if you are curious.

I feel so boring! Nothing new and exciting to write. . .

Becky

Sorry if I do not really like the boss, okay? get over it!

Anyways, ask greg about the RPS society-he is a big dork. plus I was the official Vegas champion. Too bad I didn't do as well at Casino War.

Got my tix to the SF Hey May show today and there are even people coming with me this time. I can't really think of anything interesting to talk about today. I hope that all is well with everybody out there.

well i got this guitar and i learned how to make it talk . . .

bruce springsteen rocks. just don't ask Becky about him.

last saturday night was the annual LATE ride in Chicago. It's this 25 mile bicycle ride that starts at 1 am. the cops set up at all the major intersections and you follow a course that starts downtown in Grant park and winds it's way through a couple northside neighborhoods before ending up on the lakefront path. it's pretty fun. i've done it the last 3 years, but not this year since i'm far too fat.

anyway, i was drunk and walking down one of the streets the bicyclists ride down. there's like 20,000 people who do this, so the streets are choked with bicyclists. cars are still allowed to drive on the streets, but they have to give way to the bicyclists. anyway i saw this car moving far too fast chasing this one bicyclist. they got to an intersection with a cop and the cop made him stop. the guy jumped out of his car and started running after the bicyclist yelling (in a very foreign accent) "stop him!! stop him!! he punched my car!!" the cop was a major badass with slicked back grey hair and an unlit cigar butt that seemed permantly attached to his lip. he just started walking towards the guy, saying (completely deadpan) "get back in the car" the guy continues to yell about the bicyclist and the cop continues to tell him to get back in the car when another car pulls up. a girl leans her head out the window and says "he was messing with us and the bicyclists" he starts walking towards the girl saying "why do you come here and say this? why do you come here and say this?" the cop pulls out his billy club and starts telling him to get back in his car louder (the cigar never leaving his mouth) until he finally just puts the club against his chest and pushes him into his car. the guy then left.

that's a long babbling story, but it was really surreal when you're really drunk. later.

Jen

Don't wait for me. I'll wait for you

This week has been flying by.

I took off from work on Monday. I figured that I'm here at work all the time and it is summer. . . So, I stopped by my old place of work. I know, sounds like fun. Well, if you have been reading this over the past year and a half that we have had this little blog going, you'd probably know that I used to work for an insurance agent. Not that I ever told anyone that, but that is what I used to do - for five whole years of my life while I was in undergrad. Anyway, I went back to my office, because I grew close to those people over the time that I spent there. Plus, my friend, Bora, took over my job when I left. So, going to the office to hang out was really fun, and it was great catching up with people that I haven't seen in the past six months since I left and started working here at the museum.

Work has been really busy leaving me with little time to write. Besides a printviewing and tour that I helped give today and yesterday, I've been working on getting out a press release. We have 1,500 people that we mail to; this does not include our domestic and foreign mailings, which are much larger. I have many papercuts on my hands.

I am very excited to see a friend of mine who just got home from Rwanda (I posted an e-mail he sent to me about two weeks ago). It's been only 7 weeks since I've seen him, but I really missed his presence in my life. Kinda like a certain bloggerwho is currently located in California. I even had to go get a new yoga partner!

Actually, I didn't, but it was nice to have someone go with me. Nate, my complete sweetheart, sat through an hour an a half of yoga. Yeah, so basically, he rules.

One more thing. I saw the Vines and Ok Go at the Metro on Saturday night. Here's my quick review. Ok Go is really fun live. I don't know the lead singers/guitarists name, but he is so great. The Vines are pretty cool too. There was a little too much screaming and reverb in the mic, which annoyed the hell out of me. The lead singer also did all the cliche rock moves too (like Weezer) buthe actually made them look cool, like when he completely knocked over the drum kit. Musically, I don't know if they are my thing.

That's all folks.

Becky

Let me tell you about 20 mile hikes in Yosemite. They are pretty damn hard. But fun and exhausting, but fun. And we had bears in our campsite. one of them ate a can of Off. It was funny until we realized that was pretty much all of the bug spray we had. and people from California are big wusses about mosquitos!!

when did a wierd iron thing on a bicycle become art? maybe it always has been, but when did it become art that you sell at a street fair on michigan avenue in chicago?

not too much to tell about the movie. they had the michigan avenue bridge blocked off, and there were trailers all around on lower michigan. i tried to sneak some free food from the catering table, but that wasn't looking good so i called it off. there were production assistants or interns or something all over the place. they were telling everyone the bridge was closed. even if you weren't even going to the bridge. they just wanted to get that info out there for everyone.

i spend far too much time on trains.

and in news of the absurd, our bassplayer wants to write a song about dragons. i started laughing when he told me that. then i realized he was serious. then i cried. and i know dragons are cool. but they should be in movies and books not in songs. unless you're tenacious d and then you can get away with it.

speaking of jack black, i was watching the mr. show with bob and david dvd yesterday (really hilarious stuff. and when i say hilariuous i mean as funny as 22 monkeys playing football with full equipment. helmets and everything.) and one the segments featured jack black as Jeepers Creepers in "Jeepers Creeprs: Almost a Star" or something like that. nothing like a good old fashioned musical that makes absolutely no sense. kind of like this blog. blah.

Jen

We're here to rock and we're not messing around!

So what did I do last night? Here's a little story:

Why I saw Weezer last night and why you shouldn't hate me for it, by me:

When Chris Ryan asked me if I'd like to Weezer for FREE last night, I fought with myself as to whether or not I should see them. I hate the new stuff. I really, really do. And I bitch about it a lot. Not only that, but the show was in the stupid Tweeter center (or as I like to call it T.A.F.K.A.T.W.M.T. - The Arena Formerly Known As The World Music Theater. Don't even get me started on all these name changes to music venues.). It happens to be the worst place on earth to see a show. The sound sucks and most likely, if you do see a show there, you will most likely happen to be too far away to see anything. BUT, Chris had VIP box seats and parking, so I figured that it was probably worth it. When we got there, I realized how annoying it was to be so high up above the stage. Because of this, or the fact that we were VIP, there were TV sets everywhere. We actually made a pact for the first couple of minutes that we wouldn't look at the real band at all and just watch them on TV. In other words, I hate the Tweeter Center. The cushy seats were nice though!

Let's see. I've probably seen Weezer at least three times now - all of them in much smaller venues. They do put on a good show live, in these small places, so I was only guessing what they would be like in an arena. I do NOT think that Weezer is an arena band. They just can't do it. They aren't all that excited onstage anymore.. Then again, does this really matter when some of their audience is a half mile away?

I was really most amazed by how many Pinkerton songs they played. 6 total. Hmmm, the songs were: Good Life, Tired of Sex (which they ended the show with), Butterfly (which had the whole band backing Rivers), Falling for You, El Schorcho, and Why Bother. This was especially amazing, because according to Rivers, Pinkerton was a flop to him or some B.S. like that. I also felt like I may have been one of the few that actually knew that these were not new songs, but they actually came off an older Weezer album. Did I also mention how many 14 year olds were there?*

They also played an amazing amount of songs from the Blue Album- 6 again - and for the first time, I heard Holiday live. I have to admit, I was pretty excited.

Weezer should write a book entitled "How to be a rockstar, for dummies" They did all the cliche rock moves (At one point, Rivers yells into the mic "Check it out!" as he lifted the head of the guitar up by his head and played.) rock sayings (check out! the above quote) and stage antics (There was fire. Lot's of it. And the drum kit was on a platform oh, about 50 feet high with a giant, lit up, signature Weezer "w" under it, that also shot flames out of the little wings on it.) It was. . . amusing.

So, someone tell me why I can't hate them? They are rock snobs, right? Whateves. It was a decent show for the most part, minus my above bitching. I'm happy they played old stuff! Yay!

Ok, my story is over. Now for some fun, check this out!** Don't stop until you find the picture of the Peep smoking. It made mey cry, it's so funny.

*I'm not insulting 14 year olds, but lets think, when Pinkerton came out (hmm, when I was a freshman in college? so, I was 18.) 14 year olds were 8 or 9. Very young. I listened to Madonna when I was that old.
**I'm going to keep writing "check this out" until it gets old like Rivers.

Jen

D-o-w-n and that's the way we get down

So we have a new blog friend (see above quote). I love that fact that this is their post line. Love it.

I can't write much- I've been busy cleaning the vault up for our new director that will permanently be here as of Septmeber. Busy, busy, busy!!!!

Movie? I want to know more!

Give us more details about the movie!!

ps-hey greg, how many hamburgers did you eat today??

Jen-has the third roomie moved in yet?

publisher is broken. boo!

i was just going to tell you all about how they were filming a movie on front of my building, but i guess now i won't. i will tell you that there is a big hole in my office wall so me and the conference room are now one. i will soon know all the details of this corporation's shady accounting.

Becky

Well, its been awhile. Sorry about that. Things have been busy, okay?!

Last week we did part of the great american road trip.....san francisco to portland and back. good times, good times. except that time I fell out of the raft when we hit a rock on the trinity river - that was a little scary. but fun too :)

But now its back to work and serious time!! Today at lunch I made a joke about this guy at work looking like Orville Redenbacker (or however you spell it). But for some reason I found it very very funny and no one else really did. I'm actually laughing about it right now! I actually think that the guy looks more like one of the Characters from the game "Guess Who" but I thought I had an even lower chance of anyone appreciating that joke. But for all of you board game lovers out there, the guy looks like Simon.


Check out this picture. Its from our trip to Vegas. Hopefully one day I will understand enough to be able to post that picture on this blog. right here!

So I don't come back to Chicago for like 3 more weeks. I miss it, I really do. I've had enough sunshine and blue skies to last me a lifetime. plus its like 110 degrees out today. yuk. but its not humid so I can't complain too much........

Jen

You take the car, I'll take the night off. We'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works. Don't let me know what you find out.

Are we boring or what? Sorry, we need to post more. . .

I had an interesting weekend and holiday. I spent my third of July in . . . the post office. My friend, Chris, works for a label called Dust Traxx (they put out house music). It was his job to send out 179 mailers, each with five new records from the label. Chris promised me that the mailing ordeal wuld only take 20 minutes, leaving us with enough time to see the fireworks downtown. Of course, before I get in the car, I think we have to mail 1, or at most 10 packages. Nope, 179. Anyway, we had quite the adventure and a 20 minute excursion turned into 2 hours. We had to write "media mail" on all 179 packages so that the postage would be cheaper. I know for a FACT that I've seen stamps that say Media Mail before, but the woman at the counter insisted that it didn't exsist. I think that was her way of torturing us for bring her that much mail on the evening of 3rd of July. No fireworks for me, at least on that night.

I went up to Milwaukee on the fourth to pick up Nate and take him home. It was a quick ride up there. I have, shall we say, a lead foot. I have a tendency to speed a little. Ok, sometimes more than a little. But when no one is on the road, I can't help it. It's like a free for all. All that open road and it's my playground. Did I ever mention that I wanted to be a racecar driver? So, we are on our way home, and I'm really happy and excited to see Nate. He has all this stuff to show me that he got from his Grandpa. . . and then I look behind me and see a state trooper. I pull over, and I'm really nervous because I never got a speeding ticket. EVER. I'm that good. So she comes up to my car and asks me how quick I was going. Unknowingly, I say 75. I wasn't looking at my speedometer, I was talking with Nate. Ah yeah, I was going 85 (which, if you think about it, isn't really THAT fast. . .) As our conversation continues, I guess I passed her up, then she followed me for about a minutes before I pulled over. I felt like a complete jackass. I guess it showed. So with my clean record and the sheepish look on my face, I walk away with only a warning. Boo-ya!

Yup! So that's pretty much it. Work has been really busy for some reason. I actually have to send out a couple of books before 5 today, so I should really go and do that instead of blog.

Oh yeah, expect some changes fairly soon with the look of this blog. We've had this format for over a year now and really, it's time for a change. Greg - get to it!

Jen

Let's get away for awhile, you and I, to a strange and mystic land*

I'm sitting at the computer, typing up some letters, when this woman walks into the office and asks if she can tell us (me and Brian, my co-worker) something. Of course we say yes and she says. "This is the most sick and perverted art exhibit that I have ever seen. It's pathetic." Brian just says, "Really?" and she leaves. Then, we find out later that she went around the museum, touching the photographs, most of them without glass to protect them. Then she tells Jackie, who is sitting at the front desk, that she is going to talk to the administration. Too bad that they have no say what goes up here. Oh yeah, and by the way, we are free to the public, so if you don't want to see it, don't come in.

Last night, yoga was great, even though the room was really, really hot. There is an open workshop on the 4th of July that I might attend, really only because I don't have much to do. Gant is leaving to go to Michigan, so the house will empty (except for Rosa!) I've been asking people what is going on for the holiday, and most people don't have plans. Do I have to throw a BBQ?!?!? Someone have a party so I don't have to clean later!

This Saturday, I am shooting a wedding reception. I'm really not too excited about it, because I feel it is really very unrewarding for a photographer. The last wedding I did back in May, I had a good time doing it, but the shots are so standard. Ok, here is the bride with the cake. Now the bride and groom with the cake. Now a close up of their rings, and then them looking at each other. Now them and the entire freakin' family plus cousin Bertha. God forbid we leave out cousin Bertha. I'm just being bitchy. The person that I am doing the wedding for is a complete sweetheart, and she's paying me quite well to work for 5 hours, so I shouldn't complain. That doesn't mean that I want to do anymore weddings after this, even though I know it will probably happen because I somehow get talked into it like I did this one!

On a different note: I saw this thing on the news that on the 3rd and 4th of July, most channels will be showing these patriotic commercials regarding the whole Sept. 11 thing and our "War on Terrorism." Wow. Propaganda. I feel extremely uncomfortable about this and can't really explain it. Kinda makes me want to pack up my shit and move to Montana or something.

I spoke to Greg and Becky yesterday, and they are out in Portland, Oregon. Can I just write that I am extremely jealous right now? I am. I want to get out ofChicago for awhile. I mean, all my trips up to Wisconsin are a blast. but come on! : ) Hell, I may end up driving up there on the 4th because there is someone I really want to see. . .

It looks like this is all from me this week, but then again, you never know.

*Back when Weezer was cool.

Jen

There's a war on war

I can't even believe that it's July 2nd already. Where has this year gone?

I felt odd today. I saw this couple I used to know; one that I spent a lot of time with last summer, and I didn't say hello to because I felt uncomfortable. They were a couple that Pat and I used to hang out with, and now that Pat and I are no more, saying hi almost felt wrong. I'm sure there are a lot of not-so-nice words traveling around his group of friends about me, so that made me even more uncomfortable. But not saying hi probably made me look like an asshole too. It kind of feels like I've been through some sort of divorce. We had to split up our stuff and our friends. Although this break up happened many months ago, it still feels fresh when situations like these pop up. It makes me feel disappointed in myself. Then I think about how much happier I am, and how I am in a much better situation and then I realize that no matter how much you don't want to hurt that other person, you really have to think about yourself and how you feel. . .

How touching.

Anyway, I find my self kind of alone on this upcoming holiday. Friends and family are out of town and here I am, in Chicago.

Then I think about my friend, Brian, who will be coming home from Rwanda very soon. He wrote me this incredible e-mail and I knew I had to post it.

8:30 pm

Sitting on the balcony of the hotel. It is not late, but it is dark and I'm tired and the heart of Kigali shines subdued below. Yes, so: we're here. Rwanda. It seems strange to finally be here; to see it. I've pictured it so many times, in so many ways- a tiny spot on a map, a detailed map; it's hills, Kigali. I've imagined that it looks like, imagined myself here, imagined the genocide. And now I'm looking at it, finally.

The sun set as our minibus flew around the hills leading from the border. Dark came hard and fast. The headlights would shine momentarily on an object before speeding on- endless lush greenery, punctuated for an instant by a face, a freeze-frame body caught walking or staring or talking. It would catch houses, one alone, or several in a row, some stretching out to tiny villages. And you wonder, you can't help it, it isn't even intellectual, just a question shooting from your gut, so instant and basic it isn't even worded: what happened here? What happened to this person? Did they see horror? Did they inflict it? House it? You catch yourself thinking this and you chastise yourself- don't over dramatize. But you can't. You can not over dramatize. It did happen, and it happened everywhere in this lush country.

I stop writing, light another cigarette, look at the intersection. This isn't the heart of the city, but this is a fairly big intersection, but size hardly is relevant. At almost every intersection drunken militiamen set up roadblocks, stopping every car. If there were any Tutsis, they butchered them on the spot. Right there, for sure. There is no question about it.

Dominika said she felt uneasy being here- not unsafe, but uneasy. I agree. Evil happened here. I have never been to the death camps, never experienced anything like this, and it makes me physically ill for a few reasons. Every time I've made eye contact with someone since arriving I shudder internally. Because they know. They know why I'm here: I'm here because of the genocide. I'm here because of what happened to them, because it horrifies me, and, even more, it fascinates me. I'm a gawker. I have a purpose, but I'm still a gawker. I wouldn't be here were it not for the pull the genocide has on me. It's horrible, and I hate myself for it, but I can't help it. Somewhere I wanted this, this palpable unease, this sense of evil, this surety of ghosts. A car drives through and I can see it stopping, I can see someone dragged out screaming, hacked to death, terrible things.

Stop: Pause: another cigarette. I wanted this, yes- I am dramatic and delight in the idea of my own sensitivity. But. No, not this. I had no idea it would be so strong, so real, so sincere.

I realize something. This stupid goddamn narcissism means something, is giving something. Because I'm here and because everyone knows why I'm here, and because imagination comes from a more brutal reality here, the genocide is still happening. There is still someone whimpering under my bed, dying in the street, killing unstopped. Do you see- life has paved over the horrors, routine over terror, but it is still here. To deny that, to pretend it didn't happen, to ignore the fundamental basis of reality in Rwanda, to scold myself for indulgence is to betray truth, to kill history, to shape the present to how it makes me comfortable.

This realization doesn't cure my unease, but it lets it rest easily. I finish my last cigarette, and before I go in to sleep, I watch a woman cross the street and disappear down the hill, alive.

Brian

Can you even imagine? And here I am talking about my break up.

Ok, enough seriousness for the day. See you on the 3rd.

Jen

Stay wet all summer*

Last night, I went to check up on little Rosa, and I felt so bad about the heat in Beck's and Greg's place that I took her home with me. So now I have a sweet, little kitty, that within the first hour in my house, knocked over a plant and got dirt all over the couch.

All morning, I've been editing the Museum Handbook, which is a party and a half. It's so strange how it was so unbelievably busy here for the last two weeks and now I'm just sitting at a computer. I know we can't constantly be putting up a new show, but it really is fun.

Our little trip to Waukesha/Milwaukee this weekend turned out to be an interesting one. In a nutshell, I played a Playboy pinball machine with actual foldout centerfolds, we ate some custard, got stuck in traffic because a large truck with dirt flipped over causing us to only move 2 miles in one hour, meet a lot of people that I will probably never see again, bought a ZZ top tape for the car along with some other classics, ate more custard, stoped at one of those adult book stores along 94* (this was the lovely slogan on the store), and went to Target.

Yesterday, I almost fainted at the Gay Pride parade because it was so damn hot! Temperature wise, that is. After awhile, I got really bored with it, so Gant and had a water fight on the corner of Broadway and Roscoe. Good times.

Sorry about my most boring blog ever. I know something interesting will happen later. . .